Looking back, when I was poorest, I was happiest!
Lately, I have been reflecting a lot. Trying to look back into the past in the hope to find things that I have done right (knowingly or otherwise) and try to figure out how to re-capture that feelings/moments to move forward.
When I realised I needed an education to have a better future and once I decided on the course to take, my only focus was getting the degree.
Not just a degree, but the best that I could possibly get.
There were times I had to make the tough call between buying better food to eat or keep the money for projects, I chose the latter.
I was so focus that nothing could come in my way, I was knocked down several times but every time, I came back stronger.
After graduation, I was offered to do MPhil, a degree that would lead to PhD. I turned it down as I so badly wanted to be in the corporate world.
That was my goal then: Study (hard) - Degree (highest grade) - Work (out of this world job)!
I climbed the ladder fast, my focus at that point was to be the best in my playing field.
But every step I progressed, my heart didn't feel right.
The unfortunate thing was I never listened to my heart. I allowed my head to reason with my heart.
The longer and higher I progressed in the corporate world, the more difficult it was for me to look back and do something my heart really wanted me to do.
I am a maverick, I like to do things my way and I love the un-prohibited freedom of doing things my way.
I don't like to follow rules, I prefer to set my own rules.
But the higher I progressed in the corporate ladder, the more desires I have. It's a scary feelings, this desire thing.
I thought material things could bring me happiness. Truth is, it did, up to a certain extend.
I have lost focus along the way!
One of the few reasons I left the corporate world was when I finally realised that I wanted my life back, I wanted a meaningful life, a balanced life and I wanted to experience the feelings of falling in love and be with someone I utterly care about.
No regret stepping out. But took me a few years to be able to make the sort of money I so used to spending!
I have evolved since. From providing my design-marketing-branding expertise to companies on project basis, to having my own business and ultimately, in partnership pitching for multi-million ringgit projects.
I thought I had it all and was looking at how to make more money just so I could spend even more, I was diagnosed with TB!
My world turned totally upside down!
The moment I couldn't work, I was unable to charge anyone for my non-service!
Meaning, the professional fees I charged that enabled me to enjoy finer things in life stopped abruptly!
It made me realised that there is only 24/7 no matter how hard I work.
Also, working hard is not the answer, working smart is. This is something really hard for me to swallow. By admitting I have to work smart, it means I am an idiot all this while!
Again, the other part of the equation that I still haven't truly found whether I was employed or self-employed, "the feelings from the heart" came back again!
Truth is, I thought I had it all after leaving the corporate world, I struggled at first, then I got better, I earned more, I spent even more, I thought I was happy.
But the fundamental question was still not fully answered: What would truly make me happy?
It had to be TB to slow me down, turn my world upside down and make me start from ground zero for me to re-look at my life and ask, what's next?
I now need to focus on what I truly want out of life, what would make me genuinely happy when I achieve what I set out to do.
Then I need to focus on achieving that goal!
That, is the true feelings of success. It comes from the heart.
In brief, success does not come from how much money I make. Rather, in how many people I manage to influence to make positive changes in their lives.
Don't get me wrong. Ultimately, I still want to make lotsa money!
But first time in my life, I want to experience true success that does not come from just counting paper notes!
My focus in life and my prayer to God:
Health in My Body . Peace in My Heart . Wealth in My Life . Joy in My Home
