How Do You Want to be Treated

Now that I am feeling better more than half the time, my mind started to do more thinking, instead of blocking the pain!

So I get to think a little more about things...

Growing up, I was introduced to harsh discipline, unlike most kids my time and definitely very different from kids these days.

I was used to words like stupid, no brain, because I said so and a good beating when I refused to accept "I told you so" as an answer.

So I worked hard, I strived even harder to ensure I knew better than the rest on things I liked and did so no one could ever label me. Ever!

Talk about negative encouragements!

I know for a fact if I allowed this to happen to my own kids, the vicious cycle will continue to the next generation. This just isn't right and I want it to stop at me.

I am thankful I discovered this now as I haven't started family of my own just yet.

I wouldn't want to label my kids stupid, no brain, etc when they grow up, or for them to call me that when I grow old.

At the same time, I need to find a way to get through to them at an early age that listening skill, power of observation and being able to think logically and make sound decisions are all life's skills needed to be a complete human being.

There is no Parenting 101. But I know I have people that I can ask for help and guidance.

For a start, I have Dr & Mrs Kok.

For them to have 4 great kids, they must have done something very right!

I know for a fact that Mrs Kok has parents that brought her 2 brothers and her up well too. We have been neighbours before I was even born!

So I am indeed very blessed to have reconnected with them just recently!

Dr & Mrs Kok

Mrs Kok's (Agatha) dad

and mum

P.S.

Yo Dr Kok, when I grow up I wanna be just like you :D

Still Finding My Ways

Not too long ago, I thought life was about fulfilling my childhood dreams.

I bought myself the coupe, the hatchback and the roadsters my father promised to get me when I got my driving license.

He passed away before I reached driving age.

Anyway, I got them all later on!

Then I realized life is more than material things.

I needed to refocus.

I started my own business, from providing small scale brand consultation work to working with agencies and setting up partnerships to pitch for major branding projects.

Life became work.

Work was life.

Eventually, I started to search for more meaningful things in life.

Hence, earlier this year, I started to focus on:

Health in my body,
Wealth in my life,
Peace in my heart,
Joy in my home.

Just today, I finally realized I need to accept one thing, the one thing that most probably will give me joy in my home and peace in my heart:

Live for myself. Live my life.

Live a life I intend to live.

I need to learn to let go.

Just need to figure out how much is enough of a let go.

Funny this thing called life.

I thought I was selfish when it used to be all about me and my dreams.

I've just come a full circle.

It's just that I haven't figured out what's the difference between then and now.

Not just yet...







- Posted using BlogPress via my iPhone 3G S

You're Not The Only One!

Do you measure success by comparing against your friends?

Bigger cars, better house, fancier job title, nicer expense account, traveled to more cities and countries than you can ever remember?

Or do you think you are great just because you are special?

When you are unwell, ill, down and out in life, do you think you are the worst?

Do you expect the GOD you believe in to come to you just because you needed HIM?

I am guilty in some (perhaps most of the above)!

So what if I could afford to own many sports cars? Lead a high flying life? Spend money like there's no tomorrow? Own every gadgets I ever like?

When my soul is empty, material things are a temporary measures.

What is so special about my illness? The pain I endured and the side effects I am still going through every single day?

What's the big deal that I still can't play the tennis I enjoy?

I should be grateful I am given a second chance to re-look at my life, a chance to re-examine the true importance of my existence.

I should be thankful every single morning I can still wake up, thus giving me the opportunities to at least attempt to right the wrongs!

You are an inspiration, Agatha.

I am grateful we managed to re-connect and I appreciate you sharing your life experience with me.

You are still the Hwoi Ying I know of ever since I could remember!

How would you cope...

...if you are no longer able to do something you enjoy?

I have to confront this question when I went for my tennis earlier this morning.

I love the game ever since my high school friend introduced it to me 28 years ago.

Pain in my shoulder, elbow and both wrists stop me from hitting out.

Pain on my right knee prohibits me from chasing after the balls and bend low enough to hit my backhand properly.

Both my ankles are too weak to make the sudden stops and turns.

Was it fun?

Well, the sweating was. I have not sweat this much for a long time! Love it. Made me feel alive!

But no, it wasn't fun at all having to come to terms with the fact that I am still not healthy and fit enough to get back to the game I enjoy most.

Looks like in the short term at least, I need to sort out my health before I can even get back to shape for tennis.

I need to figure this out...

Hari Raya 2010: Part One

This is a very meaningful Raya to me as I learned something important of life, about life and with life.

Approximately a week prior to Raya, I asked my wife whether we will be visiting her childhood friend Yoni.

She told me Yoni has neither picked up nor returned her calls. I asked her what's next, she told me we would gate crash worst case!

I like Yoni and her family. I met them once during Raya last year. Gate crash Hari Raya Open House sounded like a cool thing to do!

2 days prior to visiting Yoni, I walked into our bedroom seeing my wife crying in vain! She blurted out "My friend's mother just passed away!"

She was referring to Yoni's mother.

Not my childhood friend, not my best friend, just the word "friend".

I knew Yoni and Pam are close and she used to spend her childhood in East Coast with Yoni's family.

But I have no idea the sort of closeness she has with Yoni's family. The friendship they have over the years is something very special.

It's so special that it doesn't need any particular word/phrase to define. Just a simple word: Friend!

We visited Yoni on the second day of Raya.

I had meaningful conversation with Yoni's father, her brother and Yoni.

That day, I got to know the compassionate side of my wife and her childhood better.

I promised myself I will make an effort to get to know Yoni and her father better and I will not wait til next Raya to visit them.

Here's to you aunty, may you rest in peace and bless your family and loved ones; Let them think of you with fond memories and not sadness.

Wouldn't It Be Nice...

... to receive good news on the project I have been working on soon?

... to start the quest in enabling people to change life for the better?

... to have the contract signed and sealed as a birthday present to myself?

Now, that would truly be a meaningful 2010!

Health in my Body

Peace in my Heart

Wealth in my Life

Joy in my Home

Give Hope. Change Life.

Faith

I have done my utter best

The rest is beyond me

I trust my business associate

In giving better than the rest

Now I wait with faith in me

That I could change my life

and make a difference in other's too

Life In Moderations

If what I am feeling is it, I should be able to walk without pain and discomfort soon!

The last months, I have been having moments where I thought I was getting better, except it didn't last.

Hope this time, This Is It!

I will be able to do things I have taken for granted and longing to do the last 6 months.

However, there will be changes:

I will live life in moderations

I will have a more balanced life

I will lead a healthier life

I will spend quality time with family and friends

I will revisit places with fond memories

I will explore new places with family and loved ones

Most important of all, I would love to make positive changes to people's lives in ways and means I am capable of.

I thank God for putting me through this journey of self discovery.

Can't wait for my new journey to start!

I will never be perfect, but I will learn to be better each day.

How Do You Measure Success?

Was watching this movie in the afternoon. By the time I switched to this movie, it has probably started half way.

However, the moment I saw it, I knew I have seen it some time before. In fact, it was a very long time ago...

Funny how the mind works. I started to remember the interior of the house, the theme (which is bare minimalism), colour scheme, the sand-blasted main glass door, the Porche 911 that's parked outside, coming back to an empty home... (this was the beginning I missed but remember vividly).

What I recalled all those years back was how cool I thought the character was. Successful, independent, living in a contemporary house with a 2 door sports car.

I wanted to be like him!

Well, plus the fact that he's Bruce Willis! My favourite star since Moonlighting TV series.

What I have missed out then that I picked up this time round are things I never thought at that point in time would matter to me.

It made me realised what an arrogant bastard I have been.

Blinded by greed and desire. Thought I could do no wrong, could control anything and everything, at any given day and time.

Money, position, perks, recognitions were how I measured my success.

I truly thought I was successful!

The part that I watched before but did not relate to the last time came pounding on me hard this time round:

It's about opening up instead of keeping it all in.

The past is history we can't change.

The future is how we want it to be.

The present matters as it shapes our future.

Most important of all, success comes from the heart!

This year has been rather challenging for me with my health. It was a life changing experience for me as I finally comprehend the fundamentals of life.

This movie just reinforced to me the true meaning of success.

My definition of success:

Being able to make positive changes to people's lives through my believe, my work, my life.

Life Live. Transcend Life.

What If...

I have mentioned about how important health is in my previous posts.

Even though health is what's important to me, but I guess deep down I am still unsure of the importance despite the fact I said it is.

I believe I have just found the true importance of health moments ago.

I've been having a very bad gout attack the last 3 days.

This time, I had it on my right knee. The one I heavily bruised and hospitalized for 21 days almost 12 years ago.

This time the attack is bad. My knee swells up like a small melon.

I freaked out when I first saw it as the swelling is unusual (reminded me of the incident 12 years ago) except this time no injury!

But other then the initial shock, I have no time to be worried as the throbbing pain was so bad I either couldn't sleep or I woke up due to the excrutiating pain.

Every waking moment was a struggle trying not to think about the pain!

It got better late this morning, after several doses of colchicine, diclofenac, topical and oral esterified fatty acid (EFA) since last night.

I still couldn't straighten my leg but the pain is bearable. I can't walk normal as one leg is now shorter than the other.

As I was limping in pain out of the bedroom, I could see things clearly!

I started asking myself these questions:

What if the pain is gone but I no longer be able to walk normal as my leg couldn't straighten?

What if I continue to have gout attack as bad as this and I can't walk half the time?

These lead me to the brutal truth that:

I will no longer be able to walk hand in hand with my wife.

I will not be able to lead an active life.

I will not be able to drive the sportscars I plan to get myself over the next few years.

I will not be able to drive!

I will not be able to carry out daily chores and activities!

I am thankful I get to finally see things clearly!

I want my health back and I will pray for a healthy body before other things.

I thank God for showing me the true meaning of a healthy life.

Normal left knee

Swollen right knee

- Posted using BlogPress via my iPhone 3G S

Health

Just finished movie not too long ago.

2 things I noticed:

1. I could get up from the seat with minimal discomfort from my knees, no stiffness on my lower legs and without pain at the bottom of my feet.

2. I could walk down the stairs with no pain on my ankles and bottom of feet, despite some stiffness on my knees.

It's an amazing feeling!

I have been in constant discomfort, stiffness and pain for months. This came as a pleasant surprise.

It's a relief!

It's a great feeling to know that my health is improving even though it's not as swift and direct as I have originally anticipated.

Having a pain-free life is part of leading a wealthy life.

Never once could I imagine my health would deteriorate to this extend.

Don't ever take health for granted, appreciate every little movement we are capable of making.

Painless life. Dignified life.

- Posted using BlogPress via my iPhone 3G S

Can You Tell The Difference?

Pre uncleBotak

Approximately 1 week before TB attack

I was at 75kg (eventually dropped to 73kg)

Post uncleBotak

This was taken about a month ago

(2 months after cleared of TB virus) at 81kg

My latest

Guess I did put on weight!

But if it's the sign of recovering from TB, that's fine.

Just wish I can be healthy and yet still be at 75kg. That's when I realised I have a flat stomach!

A rare sight! Have not seen that for 20 odd years!!!

Can't wait til my side effect of TB is gone to start a healthy lifestyle with time for tennis, running and yoga!

Happy Days

Looking back, when I was poorest, I was happiest!

Lately, I have been reflecting a lot. Trying to look back into the past in the hope to find things that I have done right (knowingly or otherwise) and try to figure out how to re-capture that feelings/moments to move forward.

When I realised I needed an education to have a better future and once I decided on the course to take, my only focus was getting the degree.

Not just a degree, but the best that I could possibly get.

There were times I had to make the tough call between buying better food to eat or keep the money for projects, I chose the latter.

I was so focus that nothing could come in my way, I was knocked down several times but every time, I came back stronger.

After graduation, I was offered to do MPhil, a degree that would lead to PhD. I turned it down as I so badly wanted to be in the corporate world.

That was my goal then: Study (hard) - Degree (highest grade) - Work (out of this world job)!

I climbed the ladder fast, my focus at that point was to be the best in my playing field.

But every step I progressed, my heart didn't feel right.

The unfortunate thing was I never listened to my heart. I allowed my head to reason with my heart.

The longer and higher I progressed in the corporate world, the more difficult it was for me to look back and do something my heart really wanted me to do.

I am a maverick, I like to do things my way and I love the un-prohibited freedom of doing things my way.

I don't like to follow rules, I prefer to set my own rules.

But the higher I progressed in the corporate ladder, the more desires I have. It's a scary feelings, this desire thing.

I thought material things could bring me happiness. Truth is, it did, up to a certain extend.

I have lost focus along the way!

One of the few reasons I left the corporate world was when I finally realised that I wanted my life back, I wanted a meaningful life, a balanced life and I wanted to experience the feelings of falling in love and be with someone I utterly care about.

No regret stepping out. But took me a few years to be able to make the sort of money I so used to spending!

I have evolved since. From providing my design-marketing-branding expertise to companies on project basis, to having my own business and ultimately, in partnership pitching for multi-million ringgit projects.

I thought I had it all and was looking at how to make more money just so I could spend even more, I was diagnosed with TB!

My world turned totally upside down!

The moment I couldn't work, I was unable to charge anyone for my non-service!

Meaning, the professional fees I charged that enabled me to enjoy finer things in life stopped abruptly!

It made me realised that there is only 24/7 no matter how hard I work.

Also, working hard is not the answer, working smart is. This is something really hard for me to swallow. By admitting I have to work smart, it means I am an idiot all this while!

Again, the other part of the equation that I still haven't truly found whether I was employed or self-employed, "the feelings from the heart" came back again!

Truth is, I thought I had it all after leaving the corporate world, I struggled at first, then I got better, I earned more, I spent even more, I thought I was happy.

But the fundamental question was still not fully answered: What would truly make me happy?

It had to be TB to slow me down, turn my world upside down and make me start from ground zero for me to re-look at my life and ask, what's next?

I now need to focus on what I truly want out of life, what would make me genuinely happy when I achieve what I set out to do.

Then I need to focus on achieving that goal!

That, is the true feelings of success. It comes from the heart.

In brief, success does not come from how much money I make. Rather, in how many people I manage to influence to make positive changes in their lives.

Don't get me wrong. Ultimately, I still want to make lotsa money!

But first time in my life, I want to experience true success that does not come from just counting paper notes!

My focus in life and my prayer to God:

Health in My Body . Peace in My Heart . Wealth in My Life . Joy in My Home

Life's Simple Pleasures

Getting a big snuggling hug the very first time

I met my wife's niece, Ashley.

Receiving text messages from my niece Lee Mun

and to see her turning into a responsible young girl.

Hearing "I miss you uncle Botak" from "baby",

the boy my mum is looking after over the phone.

Coming home to my labrador, Muji in Penang

Seeing how excited PuppyGirl, the abused dog my wife and I

adopted, when she saw me stepping out of the taxi

Coming home to Kuala Lumpur to see Girl, who has been with me

through thick and thin the last 13 over years

Sitting in a car I always love but never owned and

the great company I have with JenC, the owner of the car

Knowing I can count on cousin Joo Lee,

to ensure I am well looked after

Spending precious moments with my wife

in between her busy work schedule

Having quality time with my mum,

something I have failed to do for many years

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 3G S

Location:Jalan Oriental 4, Air Itam, Malaysia

Leaving Hong Kong

Recently made a trip to Hong Kong to close the chapter there.

Since February 2009 I have been traveling in and out of Hong Kong due to work.

At first, I stayed in the newly opened hotel called Butterfly on Prat.

The name is a little er... off. To say the least.

You wouldn't want to be called a prat in UK!

However, the hotel is situated in a street named Prat, I guess it makes certain sense!

It's those boutique style hotel, cozy, modern and the kind of

modern simplicity design I personally like.

Prat Street is smacked in the middle of TST (Tsim Sha Tsui). A stone throw away from TST MTR station.

Great way for me to know the area!

Office is situated in the middle of Nathan Road, Mong Kok.

The night office renovation work completed

View of Nathan Road from office

The regional team (Malaysia, Australia, China)

Mr CEO

The first 4 retail team members

First burst of marketing communication campaign (the one in the middle)

A short walk would land me in the midst of street market, IT mall and gadget centre where I eventually bought 2 HTC Magic the day it was launched, I also bought 2 HTC Touch 3G, 2 HTC Touch Cruise, a HTC Touch and 2 iPhone 3G.

My first Andriod phone

My favourite drink

Cafe de Coral (they have just rebranded it CdC)

Chianie, a friend I hang out with, she's been very helpful

I moved to Harbourview Horizon, a serviced apartment in Hung Hom overlooking Hong Kong Harbour when I have to spend more and more time in Hong Kong.

Minimalist and contemporary

Muted tones

Dark wood in bedroom

My collection of HTCs

View from living room (I need binoculars during summer :@)

Another view from living room (Hong Kong Harbour)

View of Hong Kong Harbour at night

Tsim Sha Tsui at night

Channel Crossing (traffic on the way back from Hong Kong island)

2 very different environment, one in the heart of Kowloon full of life. The other, a very quiet residential area.

It took me awhile to adjust to the new environment. But I have come to enjoy both for different reasons.

Watching the nightly light show and HK National Day celebration from the living room have been a great experience.

For 9 months, I focused a lot on work and my home in Kuala Lumpur has become secondary to me.

I became so objective driven that even when my home in KL was broken into, I continued to stay in Hong Kong knowing that I couldn't turn back the clock.

I left it to my wife Pam to sort things out. Looking back, I'm an ass!

Came October, I was exhausted, I needed to rest, to look after my health and to re-examine my life and purpose of life.

Ever since I left my high flying corporate life, I have wanted to lead a more balanced life. I still haven't found what I am looking for.

With my new found purpose, I am taking my first step into the unknown.

Interesting and intriguing. At the same time, I am a little uncertain and nervous.

I thank God for inspiring me to look at things differently.

I am now counting on the continual support and guidance from God to lead me through this new path which I know will be a great and meaningful path in life's lesson.